Alone

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I am unstable. I have to admit it. But I thought everyone is unstable? There are times when we are on the rise. Then, there are times we are down..way down..

Don't get me wrong, I'm not feeling down..It is just that I am reflecting my life now..I am matured now..I could feel the change in my life..What I feel is REALITY knocks me in the head and wrestles me to the ground..I wish I am a good wrestler..Unfortunately, I am just in the same standard as the ring girl (the one that carries ROUND 1, ROUND 2 etc card)

I have made mistakes in my life..One of it is closing my heart to have friends. I was hurt by my former friends while I was in Form 4. Almost 10 years later, the trauma still bites me like a bloodsucking hungrier-than-ever vampire. Honestly, I am afraid that my friend will leave me again. Even during my university years, I still held the keys to my friendly side. Yes, it was still closed. Reflecting on it, I feel like an old cold witch living alone in a palace way out of the homo sapiens radar.

Nevertheless, marriage life has changed me for good. At 25 years old, I realize the only way to advance and improve my social life is to unlock the key to friendship. I must be able to reach out to people. Hence, I started to hang out with my friends today. I am trying slowly to get into conversation with them. Although I'm not good with itsy bitsy aka small talk, I am still improving by chatting along.

Lately, I left my guard down..I just pray so hard what had happened 10 years ago would not happened again..

PS : Why couldn't I let go off the hurt in the past?
That is such a waste because I have to live IN a beautiful future.

Smile,
- Ella -

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Reminiscing Regret

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I am not feeling okay..I don't know..Maybe I lost some track of time..Arrrrrggggghhhh...Although I have functioning ears, why didn't I use them really well? Use them well now, my dears..Use them really well..Learn from your mistakes, please..Don't do it again..

It all started when my students wanted to purchase pictures of other classes..Assuming the other classes are comprised of students that they like, I advice them to be cautious..They told me they was just having fun..Owh boys! Owh girls! You are giving me such headache..

May you learn from my mistakes. Any relationship begins with commitment; not just for the fun of it..You may not realised it now but in the future, you will regret for being in a relationship for the fun of it..When I was your age, I was puzzled how other students did not have girlfriends/boyfriends..

The questions on my mind are :

" How the hack did you fail to have a boyfriend?"

" Isn't life lonely without a boyfriend?"

Unlike you, I did not have a teacher who would tell me those things..If I have, I would still be single during my teenagers years..Dearest children, to tell you the truth, it is OK to not have a boyfriend now..So that when you look back at your life, you are not fill with regret..No way you can unwind the time and redo what you have done (I would do it myself if "Back To The Past" is available)..There is no pressure to be with someone..Things do not always work in your way..You have to be independent and be strong always..

Owh yes, have I told you about the aching painful heartbreak that you will feel when one leaves the relationship? The days of crying and weeping tears..Gosh..how I wish She was more open minded because that will definitely saved me..Either way, you don't want to go this road, my students..

So, before you pick up the photos of other classes, ask yourself this ; "AM I READY TO COMMIT TO THIS?"..If not, just be a single student..

You will be fine..

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Smokey Eyes by L'oreal

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My mind

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I dont want to ruin LOVE again..I lost it once..I wont lose it again..

Better think about things that make me happy..Since my Lancome days are almost over, I'm thinking of changing to Loreal, Revlon or Body Shop..What I need are the basic three things; base, foundation and compact powder..

So, I'm still doing my research on these beauty items..Wish me all the best..

Smile,

- Ella -

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K.L. L.I.F.E.

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I missed KL badly..terribly..I want to get on a flight and be at KL Sentral now..

From KL Sentral, I am going to board Kelana Jaya LRT and ,of course, stop at KJ..

I might have to walk to Giant KJ while waiting for my brother to pick me up..

I used to drag myself to use public transport. But guess what? I am missing it sooooo much..toooooooo much..The view from the LRT would be majestic..

The feeling of getting off at K.J is indescribable.
It feels so close YET so far away..

Still, I waited for my brother to arrive and pick me up..

Three places that I miss the most are Midvalley, Bukit Bintang and Sogo..I did not understand it before..Why would people go to such places at night? I'm sorry but I do understand it now..

Nevermind the traffic jam, I guess KLnites just want to unwind..
For example, sitting at Pavillion with beautiful lights while staring at the humongous LV ad, I just could not help thinking I would be successful in life..
I still feel the same now..

God, I pray you have better plan for me. I am trying my best to be in your path. But, I just miss being close to KL life..the hustle and bustle do not kill my pride anyway..
Gosh, I know my ego had drown me..
Don't let me be in hot water again..

I would just want to think of this as a vacation until I could find a better life to live..

I can do this...

I can do this...

I can do this..!

(DON'T BE SUCH A PATHETIC LOSER!!!!!!!!!!)

Smile,

- Ella -

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The Emotions

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The clouds are rolling in,
Soon it will be raining,
Pardon me for butting in,
My heart just keeps saying

So many ifs in our life,
We let ifs take control,
Why didn't we try to give,
More than we could patrol?

I wish I have been wiser,
I wish I would be more matured,
To handle us with sir,
To love us forever.

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The Importance of

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Is money really that important?

Clueless yet Controversial..

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Runnnnnnnnnnnnn Commitment

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Are you one of those people who are scared of commitment?

When the word "I do" is said, does it ring like a loud bell that could bleed your ears?

Alhamdulillah, I am trying my best to commit to the one I love

We were so ssssssssshhhhhhhhhyyyyyyyyy

The picture that I love the most..I called it "KETAATAN"

The ones that I love about the backdrop are the flowers, mirrors, chandeliers and the birdcage..The flowers are fluffy and candylike.. it is so tasty I can't stop staring at it..The mirrors denote the happy reflection of the bride and the groom..chandeliers add glamourous touch to the whole stage..

The bird cage symbolizes ones' freedom to fly into a new world of single to marriage..Although some believe that marriage curbs ones' freedom, I believe it is a world of toleration and cooperation..I understand my view might be simplistic but that is what I truly believe..

Happy 2nd month anniversary, Hubby

Smile

- Ella -

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SSSSSHHHHHHHH

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I had a dream last night; a dream I have not had for years..

Seeing him in front of me was so surreal until I broke down in tears..

In my dream, he has gained a lot of weight and seems to be living happily..

I always regret for not making an extra effort of understanding you; of being with you..

What I remember the best is your jokes, smiles and laughter..

Do you remember anything about me? I can't help but wonder..

Life would be different if you would still be around..totally different..

Gosh, I must read "For One More Day" by Mitch Albom again..

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Pitbull..

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I'm worried not for now but for the future

Nik Farhat Abraqi

Smile,

- Ella -

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Forgiveness..

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It is still Hari Raya celebration right? 

Hence, let me share with you my first raya with my husband...

We wore matching golden "baju melayu" and "baju kurung" bought by Mama..
The pictures were taken after seeking forgiveness in a...hhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmm...lovely manner..(",)..

PS: Everyone is telling me I have put on some weight..

Looking at the pictures, it looks like my cheeks are about to blow..

R.I.P

Smile,

- Ella -

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51st

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My late father's Yassin page..

On 8th September 2011, he would have been 51 years old.
May Allah bless Him..

Alfatihah...

Smile,

- Ella -

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GEDEBOOMMMM !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Nope..this is not Pak Pak Ke BOOM..but it really is GEDEBOOM!!!

After a short "holiday", he came into class today looking a little bit quite..or should I say rather dejected than ever? Gosh..I could understand his feelings..he must have been scared embarrassed to come to class again..He's not stupid..That I know for sure..He has good marks and social graces skills..

Never been the black sheep of the class UNTIL he made the wrong choice..

Well..People always say time will heal the wound..Not so much I feel..It is more like what you did with the time that could heal you..We have our own rights to our own choices (Declaration of Human Rights, Geneva - kind of missing my debating days; my brain might be a little bit rusty and out-of-wear). If we choose to be swallowed in the world of undeniable pain, not even a second pass by could be our friend in getting back on our feet. Nevertheless, if we use the time to brilliantly put one foot in front of the other one at a time, we might be able to slowly but surely build ourselves again..

Hmmm..moving on..reading his essay reflects his regret..Yet, I can sense he is clueless on what he should do. As I told you, it was his FIRST mistake and yes it is a MAJOR one..

Dont worry, everyone made mistakes and should learn from it..

To honestly share with you the truth, I have done few mistakes of my own during my high school years. Some of them I do definitely regret and pray I could turn back time so that stupidity would be beyond my reach and INTELLIGENCE would hug me tightly..

 Some of the mistakes are laughable like escaping prep class at night because of overdose of sleep ..I remember waking up at 10pm seeing nobody was around..My heart was thumping with fierce fear until I saw the clock..Then, it dawn on me "Congratz darling, you just managed to successfully escape prep for the first time in your life"..Hahaha..On a serious note, I did it unintentionally..

Either way, I sincerely pray you would start to be the SMART boy you used to be..oh ya, please QUIT smoking,,it could be the reason why you end up in a total mess with the wrong kind of friends..

Smile,

- Ella -

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A PETRONAS INCIDENT

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One day, Hubby and I were at a Petronas Station. We were at the cashier when we noticed a bubbly young boy named Qi (aged around 3 to 4 years old). His father was at the ATM machine while entertaining him.

Qi : Papa buwat apa kat machine tu?

Papa : Papa keluarkan duit.

Qi : Owh..Qi jalan-jalan ye

Then, Qi took a walk around the Petronas shop. Having the spontaneous instinct to have a little fun, I greeted him.

Ella : Hai Qi !

Qi : Ah?

 He did not reply but he went to his father immediately.

Qi : Papa papa. tadi Qi jalan. Ada kakak cantik kata hai kat Qi.

Papa (while smiling at me) : Qi kata apa?

Qi : tak kata papa...Qi malu..

Hearing that, the whole people in the Petronas shop were fulled with gales of laughter..
Hubby, I , Qi's father, and two Petronas cashiers..

Qi was mesmerized by our action..
Perhaps, he was wondering what was wrong with the grownups..
The grownups were wondering about the innocence of a child...

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